You know those “talks” you have with yourself in your mind – the ones you answer? Well, I decided to continue to answer “myself” until there was no more “I” to answer me – a bit like removing the layers of an onion

At the center, I found “myself” in a space that can only be described as dark with a presence – two actually – one that would guide me and the “one” that I would meld with. The guide was a Christ figure (my higher self) the melding was with the grid that connects us all – some call it Spirit, or God, or All That Is.

As I approached this space – by the asking and answering episode – an overwhelming feeling of contentedness, of peace, came over me – the peace that is spoken about in The Course in Miracles – as if there were no more problems or fears left to face in the entire world. “I” now was only the observer, that part of me that watched “me” think and feel and do everything in this story I call life.

In an instant I melded with that timeless ONE and became All That Is and the moment was and is indescribable. How long I stayed in the ONE I don’t know, but the memory has never left me and, as I know I will always long for what I call home, I long to return to it, for in that instant, my life changed.

I – as the observer – knew that I needed to somehow capture the image of that space, knowing I would remember it always. Without knowing how, I instantly created a self that would “put” that image in memory somewhere and in that same instant, another self was created that looked at the first self in judgment, as if to say, “How can you possibly think that you are so important that you can keep an image of this forever?” As the observer, I looked at these two “selves,” the one that would “take the picture” and the other that stood in judgment of the first, and with a thought – “I think I will just delete these selves” – they were both gone and I was back in the moment with the ONE and my higher self. What an amazing ability that was, I remember thinking. Whoosh, just wish them gone and they were gone in that instant. Those feelings of creation and destruction were astonishing.

After melding for the second time, I remember asking the question, “This must be just like it is when you die, but why so dark?” and then I “heard” the answer, “You have your eyes closed, silly.” The ONE – or my higher self (or both…) – indeed have a sense of humor.

It’s difficult to this day to describe departing from that “place,” knowing that it is – in fact – inside of me as it is inside of all of us. I finally felt as though I took a deep breath and allowed the onion to re-layer as I ascended, layering little ego selves, but the feeling of the moment – of that experience – has remained with me ever since, and I know it will continue as long as I need it to.